Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in silvermoonluca's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, June 26th, 2008
6:34 pm	MANDY, NESSA, AND JESSIE thought you guys would appreciate this (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 8th, 2007
10:01 pm	I can't sleep I haven't felt this lonely in a little while. I'm back home in the tri-cities but I feel so completely friendless I'm longing... oh woe is me right? right. I haven't been able to sleep since I got home save for an hour or two at a time. I've been worrying about my sister. she was diagnosed with skin cancer a couple months ago so that gave us a scare. but she seems to be doing better now. She even told the family that she was preggers. I get to be an uncle! but the baby stopped growing at 5 weeks and she was 10 weeks along... she wasn't able to keep it. wow, I haven't written on here in about a year. crazy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 20th, 2006
4:11 pm	ummm pirate festival saturday 10am-10pm guess who'll be there!?!?! me that's right bitches under st. johns bridge. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, August 24th, 2006
2:43 am	I have a funny feeling a look to one side reveals a dead canary in it's cage.... so that's how I know I'm going to die and it's been a long journey. I've been all around the world sailed the oceans found the seventh sea even. it's ok though, my heart ceases to feel anything save sorrow on occasion with only short reprises when I'm experiencing epic tales as soon as the novelty ends as does my elation I'm alive, but what does that mean? am I only flesh that walks and talks? and this from I, the one who thought they'd never lose a luster for life who would battle bitterly before grudgingly bequeathing an inch to my adversary and now, I've taken a step back and let them within the kill zone I'd be the one who wakes from a ten year coma, but now I want The Long Sleep to take me I grow weary So now, we all patiently wait for the better life that is promised for us after death we refuse to believe we could, ourselves, make "heaven" on earth (which is possible, by the by) distractions, distractions am I adonis? applause? apple sauce? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, August 18th, 2006
12:38 pm	The twisting in you The last bridge he'd burned and no one was the wiser it took him all the day until the moon it was swallowed That night she took him to bed and they, there lay fallow Plans and dreams ripped away and she only followed now cold and alone he pondered living but just as he chooses life the frost wasn't so giving and no one was the wiser (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
1:44 pm	Silvermoonluca from his vast expanse of vantage watched the many from below staring up toward him The moon was full that night He slowly padded away from the spot, saddened by the view and no few were heard to exclaim, Where have you gone this night? a boy wanted to share this beauty with a girl, oh but this girl, she was distracted by her many friends This is what the boy on the moon decided to watch, the excitement of the boy below at discovering the moon in it's silver beauty, the boy's joy of sharing it with another, and his disappointment at the indifference His friends suggest that she may simply be cautious Silvermoonluca knew- she does not care, he whispered naive, the boy believes his friends- ever the idealist and optimist have you passed through this night? (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 3rd, 2006
6:26 am	The Loneliest man The loneliest man I'm waiting patiently for you to get here I've volunteered to take something from you you're cancer is what they tell me it's a new technology we can transfer it now i guess suicide, some call it martyrdom, others and blasphemous the stress is compressing me finally there's something arriving but not you just a bag, with you're cancer for me to eat you wouldn't even come to say goodbye I thought you said you were coming? suddenly I realize, I've never seen you smile you think you're smiling, but all I see are your teeth just like my smile as I take the first bite of your cancer into myself Suicide from an unhappy life? Martyrdom so you may live, in spite of your hate for me? Blasphemous, and I just want to piss god off? hmm descisions descisions (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 17th, 2006
2:30 pm	Real life is sadder than any story Last night, I went to a play. the play was written and performed by a girl of 19 named Lauren. I saw the play at the highschool she went to. The stage had nine spotlights and each circle of light represented a different characteristic or role of this girl. One was her as a daughter, an actress, a dreamer, a friend, a lover, a cancer patient. the others I can't remember. she read excerpts out of her journals she cried 4 or 5 times, real tears. even drooled a little once. she screamed at the top of her lungs how much pain she was in she talked about cancer eating away at her "God Damn Bones" she said she didn't want to ruin the ending, but she's going to die. She re-enacted her hospital stay, the 8 month cancer treatment program, her battle with cancer, her beating it. and it's return a year later She said she knew she couldn't beat it this time. she talked about possible amputations to prolong her life and her refusal she talked about her descision to be DNR (do not resesitate) if her heart stops beating while in the hospital. she spoke of finding it hard to care for others, her romantic heart dying. she expressed sorrow of never going to be married or a mother, she would make a wonderful mother she said, and I believe her. She was Beautiful and truth be told, I wanted to ask her to marry me I don't cry often. I didn't cry at either of my Grandfathers' funerals but this, this girl brought tears to my eyes. death couldn't rival the raw, true, live emotion of her. after the show, I went up to her a stranger with a view into her heart and soul. I squeezed her hand, and she said hello. Hello Lauren and Goodbye (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 14th, 2006
3:53 pm	1. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you. 2. I will then tell what song reminds me of you. 3. I will tell you something only the two of us will understand. 4. I will try to name a single word that best describes you. 5. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you. 6. I will tell you what color you remind me of. 7. Put this in your journal. ho ho ho Merry Christmas (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 20th, 2006
8:26 pm	My epiphony while digesting a painting You smiled so pretty at me that time before we felled that tree cascading memories save us both from those steep steps I laughed nervously as my clumsy fingers trembled over your prickle kissed skin those days when your breast was my pillow and my heart your home it screamed at me then too, in a child's voice I saw purple and crimson when I looked at you with a splash of green and scent of lemons The Mona Lisa's smile had a ghost of you and you pulled me with your lips our watches locked their gears together the flames licked behind the clock threateningly and stonehenge grew taller and still more ominous I caught your tassle and you threw those jade eyes at me a child, I took the candy you offered I showed you my dusty attic and we laughed at the old photos that presented themselves during our endless journey and outrageous adventures We rode the tails of comets and watched the planets and galaxies that shaped our hearts desires you wrote my name in the stars we drank of the moon and breathed stardust The twinkle of distant celestial bodies were our night light. I sweated my love and you glistened your sweet soft glow my unprotected skin started to burn that night from the sun's light which you burn just for me a welcome home and I come into you just as I built a home for you in me, in my stars I await you and anticipate your homecoming. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
7:22 am	Slender sleepers taken sweetly to their dreams oh the dreams we've had. oh the dreams I'll never remember oh the dreams to be we are already the buddha inside the ignorant layman we are already the old man we will be we are already the preacher soon to turn soldier many of us have our feelers out searching for a connection but our meeting is soured by our society and we avoid touch and go about like ants in a colony. everything now is a sedative, even adrenaline calms us anymore. do our hearts race at the sight of beauty? At the touch of another? check your pulse while I dance and check my own and realize my sedated self is hardly breaking a sweat but a pause for the demanded dramatic effect applause? apple sauce? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 15th, 2006
1:24 pm	I'm getting overwhelmed I just overdrafted my account $3 to buy some food and was a day late in depositing $10 so I will be charged $27 more for it. A guy I just met through a friend, told my friend that I was a douche and that she shouldn't waste her time with hanging out with me. The funny thing is I was kind of shy because I didn't know anyone there except my friend so I was mostly quiet the whole time, I have two large papers due soon. one 8-10 page History Paper, and one 10-12 theology paper. I have a big speech project to do soon and I haven't had time to work on it, and my partner has been too busy also. I have to work from 6pm-2:30AM today and tomorrow and Monday I think. two weeks ago I had a flat tire and when I went in to get it fixed they told me I had to buy all new tires=$133 A couple of days ago, my car was towed while parked next to my apartment building=$117 rent and electricity=$270 and it's easter on sunday Thanks for the card mom and dad, and grandma- I'm a special son who they are all very proud of I'd reach for someone in particular if I didn't know that they'd laugh at me and do nothing (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, March 24th, 2006
7:10 pm	Totally feel like a jerkface idiot Wow so I just realized that I said the singer from everGREEN comes into where I work haha typo EverCLEAR! I feel dumb but I'm in town for tonight and saturday! Tri-cities, that is. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 23rd, 2006
5:31 pm	So it turns out that the singer from Evergreen is a regular at the 24 hour starbucks I work at. not. even. kidding. I met him my first morning shift. he gets a decaf grande drip with room in a "for here" cup. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 27th, 2006
11:08 pm	You can drown in a table spoon of water? And a sudden wave of depression washed over him like the tides caused by the moon. He finds himself in a new place that's not so new, really, and for the first time in his life he's scared. He normally lives for new places, new things, new people. Not today. Not this place. He takes a quick mental inventory of the friends he has made since he came. The ones he thought as better friends turned out to only be more of occasional friends. Ones he was once very close with have drifted away. He's left with aquaintances and new friends. He sees his "friends" having good times and making plans, always without him. It saddens him. It's been so long since someone has Actually shown that they want him around. some show their concern, but still do not make an effort other than asking if he's ok. He misses his old friends and for the first time in his life feels the pain of homesickness. He's tired of grasping at things to buey him up that eventually end up just adding weight dragging him down. I'll either sink or float on my own, he thinks. He closes his eyes and watches as his eyelids slowly fade from red to blue, then black. Holding his breath he counts 1, 2, 3, 4.... I've made it two minutes before, he tells himself. 5, 6, 7, 8, 9... He feels himself softly settle into the silt of the bottom. A strange thought glances through his mind I'll just let my air out and not wait for it to be slowly converted into my death. he silently laughs and shakes his head or I could just stand up and be only neck deep but why would I want to live like that? the strange smirk on his lips turns to a dark smile He knows a secret and no one else will ever know. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 20th, 2006
9:56 pm	Today was a good day. I had an interview at starbucks and it went well (it's the second one too!) and then went to school and did really well on my sociology midterm. One of the highlights along with eating breakfast/lunch/dinner with Daria at the commons, was talking with Julia. She asked if I were still mad at her, which I was, until she asked that. So I asked if she were still mad at me and she said no, and with my only reason for being gone, everything was just fine. 8) so that's good now. so the weekend. some good things some not so good things. I went to chucky cheese's and hung out with Josh, Becca/beka/becka? and Steve. Becka ended up getting on my nerves on occasion but it was tolerable. Re-met a girl who was in my ballet class first semister at coffee time, she's really fun to talk with. I ended up inviting a homeless lady to stay the night at my apartment, something I've never done before and probably wont do too much in the future (not because of a bad experience, it was just a little awkward). Josh raised a stink about her in the morning in a kind of unusual for josh way. I think it was mostly Becka who had an issue with it, eh whatever. but seeing steve was GRRRREEEAAT! haha ok bye now all of you! oh and I saw Grizzly Man. Good stuff. I want a fox. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 16th, 2006
6:02 pm	So Oregon pays more for your blood than washington does. I got a whopping $30 for letting them suck out my juices! next time it's $35. It's actually kind of interesting living without knowing when or where your next meal will come from. my $30 is already gone, I had to fill my tank and buy contact solution :/ but I've been eating more fruit lately, which is good, including banananas (haha). I'm supposed to be doing research for my big history paper, but the search engines the library uses are a little clunky, and what my teacher wants us to use as sources are hard to find. so I gave up for the day, and I think I'll change my topic to something a little easier to find. on another note, I got two numbers from girls today. It was a little weird, I haven't had anyone show interest in a while. Well, the sentence above makes it sound like I asked for their numbers but I didn't. Both of them asked for mine and then gave me theirs. both are really nice, one is a little odd but I don't really know either very well enough to say much. again, a different note- I am pretty sure Julia hates me. She ended up like almost every other girl I dated. There has been only one who hasn't turned her back on friendship with me after dating her- Janelle(thanks Janelle!). I can understand though, I said some things through here after she got mad at me, that she may or may not have read, that were....mean(?), mostly out of anger. I don't hate her and actually wish her well. I only hope that she doesn't start.. I don't know giving me dirty looks or something, you know, just acting mean around me without actually saying/doing anything to me. That would be really annoying. ok end of topic. I actually got a headache from drinking too much water! as if I don't already have enough. I've been drinking more water to be a little more healthy but I hadn't been eating enough foods rich in electrolites and the water flushed out the small amount I had = headache. bleh. I got my first Theology paper back, got an A on it! whoohooo. but my history teacher doesn't understand my style of writing. she leaves comments like "just because we haven't read any articles pertaining to this doesn't mean they don't exist" and my sentence said something like "Thus far in our readings we have yet to come across another source that shows as much thoughtfulness towards (such and such a topic) as this one." so my writing took into account that there may be more out there that deal with that issue, I was just pointing out that the society that I was reading about has Shown the most concern towards that topic SO FAR. grrrr it makes me angry when teachers who are picky about writing don't understand what they read. bleh. I keep getting 2's or 2+'s on my papers (scale of 0-3). and I had a horribly drab, uneventful, ordinary Valentine's Day. The only Valentines I got was from Austyn's mom. She Rocks! oh and Larry sent me one on myspace in comment form. and Jessie sent us a letter that arrived the day after valentines that was really nice, but I wouldnt say it was a valentines. Thanks Jessie and Larry 8) thats all. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 6th, 2006
7:09 pm	the poisoned apple Hmm, so I just don't understand Julia at all. Not long ago we both decided (it was her idea and I later realized it was probably a good one), that we would just give eachother room and not really make an effort to be friends for the time being. Perhaps after a while we could give it a try again. It was fine for a while, we had some interaction, very limited and quick but good. Recently though she has been acting like she is really pissed off at me. She wont say anything to me unless I press her. for example, I sent her a message asking her if she had my resume still saved on her computer and if so, if she could send it to me. She ignored the message for three days, until after a class we had together, I had to confront her and ask her about it. She said, "I'll mail it to you". and started to walk off, and I tried to talk to her a little bit, just saying that i had just been wondering if she had it or not, she kind of ignored me, so I got a little tiffed and told her that I'd appreciate it if next time she maybe could let me know one way or the other since I had been waiting on getting the resume and she said, "oh sorry" then walked off. I mean, I wasn't trying to be mean to her or make her feel bad or anything. She just has a knack for making me feel like shit for no good reason. I don't understand what I did to make her angry or feel like she wants to pretend I don't exist. Perhaps she took my recent post, that I was upset in and talked about people who had "written me off", to be directed at her. It really didn't apply to her and wasn't directed towards her but some very specific people, although the way she is acting now definately would lump her in with them. she always told me that with her last boyfriend, jeremy, she always ended up apologizing to him when her feelings were hurt by something he did because it made him upset when she brought it up. I think her relationship with him affected the way she treats others way more than she knows. Throughout our relationship it was the same thing, only I would be the one apologizing to her when my feelings had been hurt because she had gotten upset and I felt bad for making her upset. She did the exact thing that she complained about jeremy doing. Do I need to have her as a friend? No. I don't. but I'd like to eventually have her as one. if that isn't possible because of her and I not being able to be civil towards eachother, then that's the way it goes. If that happens, I'll regret having ever dated her. She was a really good friend before we dated. I wont be missing anything if I lose her as a friend now though, nothing that I haven't already lost. Edit: Feb. 7th So I just talked to her. she felt angry about my posts here and that I was only being nice to her face but through my posts was showing a different side. This is true through LJ's nature in that it's a journal and I write things in here that I wouldn't say to her, but she also took meanings from my writings that weren't there. so I guess we're ok again, but I get the feeling this is going to have a lasting effect on any interaction we have. well hopefully there can be curtesy between us. it's not just up to her, though, it's up to me also. We'll see. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 4th, 2006
10:19 pm	The real orgins of Human characteristics he island is always in her mind. The home she has determined she will never return to. She did miss it, she celebrated being away from it also. She swore she would never let herself be entrapped again, by land, water, or people. Her friends couldn't understand, nor her family. Why did she loath the place of her birth and of everything she knew? They couldn't see that her whole life was planned out and without her consent on the island. she would marry this man. He was kind, gentle, and dark. She admits she Had loved him, even still loved him but would never confess this to him. She saw what lay ahead of her there, and was trapped. Trapped by her family and friends, and most of all, this man, who smothered her with love. Did he know what love is? She wasn't so sure. He wanted to marry her, she just wanted to live and be carefree. When it came down to it, she wouldn't tell him how she really felt, only that they wouldn't share a life together. He was deeply hurt; she was sympathetic and didn't wish him to be in pain because of her. She resolved to leave and forget it all. He would heal in time and marry another girl. One that would make him feel just as she made him feel before. He claimed that would never happen. She knew better though. So she left and won her freedom and happiness. She traveled and saw many great things, and for many years never thought back on her past on the island. Slowly, unexpectedly, she found herself thinking more and more upon her origins, and it became a constant companion of her concious mind. At first it was the source of endless troubles to her head and heart, but she had an unforeseen growth of spirit and understanding. The thoughts ceased to bother her, but never left her. She soon appreciated it. This young woman grew into a woman and did many great things in her life, and prospered in every regard. She was right to choose her path. and though the man she was promised to be married to, met another who he grew to love and took as a wife, was also right, and told the truth that no one ever made him feel quite as the girl who left the island had done so many years ago. This is not to lessen his love and devotion to his wife, which was above that of any other man, just a special moment in his heart he held dear and never forgot. Thus ended the tale of two anchient lovers named Jolskelle and Tellapis that the mythologies misted over and never told, but refered and looked to time and time again. From these two Lovers came these two different types of characteristics that are attributed to everyone in some degree. there are those who able to be happy with whatever they are given and are easy to please and quick to love, and love completely, more than once even. They prefere to keep things the way they are and fight hard to maintain something they see as good. To these we owe our traditions and inherited values; our steadfastness, our ability to endure. And those who must be free to live. Who, faced with a cage, even a gilded cage, will sacrifice all to obtain their release. To these we owe our advancements and evoloution of ideas and culture; our fire for life and passion for the unknown. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 1st, 2006
10:42 pm	Imagination is the only sweet thing left to our hearts. I do not understand how girls- well let us say people, to be fair- can just one day decide that they do not care to have someone in their life in any significant way or just outright completly not in it. It's sad, I think, that someone can just write others off out of their lives. Now I have read recently a work on some of the different genders' learning and playing methods when they are young. It did say that girls' play often stressed the delicate maneuvering in and out of relationships (meaning friendships). It talked of how young girls will move from close friendship to close friendship, treating each more of as a temporary alliance rather than a real person. This will lead girls to be more adept at going through the motions of ending and beginning a relationship, as far as their emotions go. another point I wish to bring up here, are the things we do to let someone know how much we value them, or how much we WANT them to THINK we value them. The things I'm talking about are very much like the rules we have in giving christmas gifts. the one person who knows exactly what Im talking about who is in my Sociology class may or may not read this (Julia), though I hope she doesn't assume that I'm directing this specifically at her. What I want to know is why can't they just tell you, it has to be done in an unspoken manner. I hate it. This is not about anyone in particular so don't think of yourself that highly in my life (I'm taking after girls in that manner.) but is due to a number of people, who recently, after a period of showing interest in being friends, completly wrote me off as far as I can tell (I'm not quite sure as I do not wish to bother them trying to find out if that is, in fact, the case). The point? I'm really just kind of sick of insincere people who are too fickle to actually care about someone else enough to actually make a real effort at being a "friend". And if you don't care to be friends, why can't you just say that rather than pretending the whole thing just doesn't exist. FUCK!!! ok so this is my bi-weekly rant. The moral of the story? Care about the people who consider you a friend, and hopefully you'll come to consider them a friend also. My words fall far short of actually saying exactly what I want to or feel. What I mean is hidden behind the veil of no one ever understanding one another. You'll never know your wife or husband of 60 years, another veil there for them and for you. we are all condemed to play tennis (thanks Josh) with ourselves. (2 Comments |Comment on this)